McNabs, my adoptive male cat is THE alpha male in my home. From day one he has made it his mission to change my ways to his ways and he successfully managed this by the end of day one. Three years down the line and he now has me waking up at 5am to play games before I serve him his breakfast on the coffee table in the lounge. Why do I wake up THAT early, I hear you ask? Simply because I get a gentle slap in the face with a paw until I wake up. Or he pulls my hair until I wake up. Slave Girl is thus controlled by She-Boss, He-Boss and McNabs. I see the pattern peeps, I do indeed see the pattern.
He is lying stretched out on my legs - the best place to be when his mommy is at home.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Into the Garden She-Boss Goes
Slave Girl phones staff at other office .....
SG: Hello I am phoning from the School of the Deaf and wonder if you could do a programme for us
OF: What kind of programme
SG: Sorry, I am phoning from the School of the Deaf. Can you please speak louder.
OF: WHAT KIND OF PROGRAMME
SG: Speak LOUDER.
And then Slave Girl could no longer control herself and burst out in a fit of laughter almost to the point that she could have wet her pants.
Only then did staff member realise it was Slave Girl. I am a woman of many talents.
She-Boss is hurting. No one loves her (everybody hates her, she's going into the garden to eat some worms.... tra la la la la). Okay now, all together..... Shaaaaammme.
Now get back to whatever you were doing!
SG: Hello I am phoning from the School of the Deaf and wonder if you could do a programme for us
OF: What kind of programme
SG: Sorry, I am phoning from the School of the Deaf. Can you please speak louder.
OF: WHAT KIND OF PROGRAMME
SG: Speak LOUDER.
And then Slave Girl could no longer control herself and burst out in a fit of laughter almost to the point that she could have wet her pants.
Only then did staff member realise it was Slave Girl. I am a woman of many talents.
She-Boss is hurting. No one loves her (everybody hates her, she's going into the garden to eat some worms.... tra la la la la). Okay now, all together..... Shaaaaammme.
Now get back to whatever you were doing!
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Mt Capetownias
Volcanic. Explosive. Mine Fields. The only words coming to Slave Girls mind.
Head Girl had a falling out with She-Boss today. She-Boss had a child in tears today. She-Boss is THE boss. Do or Die is her motto. At this stage no one is sure how much more they are able to handle without the volcano erupting.
Staff are begging My Lord
Kumbaya
Staff are pleading My Lord
Kumbaya
Staff are frustrated My Lord
Kumbaya
Oh Lord Kumbaya
Get a new boss My Lord
Kumbaya
Someone really nice My Lord
Kumbaya
Get a new Board My Lord
Kumbaya
Oh Lord Kumbaya
It just never ends. Oh woe is us.
Head Girl had a falling out with She-Boss today. She-Boss had a child in tears today. She-Boss is THE boss. Do or Die is her motto. At this stage no one is sure how much more they are able to handle without the volcano erupting.
Staff are begging My Lord
Kumbaya
Staff are pleading My Lord
Kumbaya
Staff are frustrated My Lord
Kumbaya
Oh Lord Kumbaya
Get a new boss My Lord
Kumbaya
Someone really nice My Lord
Kumbaya
Get a new Board My Lord
Kumbaya
Oh Lord Kumbaya
It just never ends. Oh woe is us.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Slave Girl's Rules for Work
1. Never be proactive. I just love hearing the words “I want it now”. If it is a particular rush job, hover behind me telling me what to do as I have absolutely NO working experience whatsoever.
2. When you give me multiple tasks to do, please don’t tell me which is priority. I am psychic.
3. If you have multiple tasks for me with special instructions, give them to me verbally. In fact don’t give me the special instructions until the job is complete. There is no use in confusing me with useful information and I love having to do jobs over.
4. Never, never, never give me feedback on a meeting which I should have been invited to in the first place. When people phone the office to enquire about said meeting, I love looking like the office idiot.
5. I love it when I am busy with clients and the phone is ringing off the hook, that you rush into my office and give me instructions on more work that you want me to do for you.
6. In the chain of command I know I am plankton. I adore this job and love being treated as an invaluable staff member with only one brain cell.
7. Never listen to a word I say. Most of it is useless information and I usually only talk to you when I want to confuse you.
8. Never remember anything anyone says to you. It is wonderful when we have to repeat ourselves over and again. Good managers do not have to have good memories.
9. You are always right. We know this is rule #1 and even if we know WE are right, YOU are always right. We love the way you are able to compromise and debate topics and make us feel as if we know NOTHING at all, we appreciate the superior way you see yourself.
10. I love the way you stand next to me when giving me instructions. I love having my space invaded and I especially love it when you go through the papers on my desk and look at what is on my computer and ask me what I am doing. The trust you have in me is so overwhelming it is a wonder you have not been voted Business Woman of the Year.
2. When you give me multiple tasks to do, please don’t tell me which is priority. I am psychic.
3. If you have multiple tasks for me with special instructions, give them to me verbally. In fact don’t give me the special instructions until the job is complete. There is no use in confusing me with useful information and I love having to do jobs over.
4. Never, never, never give me feedback on a meeting which I should have been invited to in the first place. When people phone the office to enquire about said meeting, I love looking like the office idiot.
5. I love it when I am busy with clients and the phone is ringing off the hook, that you rush into my office and give me instructions on more work that you want me to do for you.
6. In the chain of command I know I am plankton. I adore this job and love being treated as an invaluable staff member with only one brain cell.
7. Never listen to a word I say. Most of it is useless information and I usually only talk to you when I want to confuse you.
8. Never remember anything anyone says to you. It is wonderful when we have to repeat ourselves over and again. Good managers do not have to have good memories.
9. You are always right. We know this is rule #1 and even if we know WE are right, YOU are always right. We love the way you are able to compromise and debate topics and make us feel as if we know NOTHING at all, we appreciate the superior way you see yourself.
10. I love the way you stand next to me when giving me instructions. I love having my space invaded and I especially love it when you go through the papers on my desk and look at what is on my computer and ask me what I am doing. The trust you have in me is so overwhelming it is a wonder you have not been voted Business Woman of the Year.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Take Three
My first blog was the best, don't you agree? Light, full of humour and quite informative for a girl homegrown on the African continent. Then IT struck. The loss of a very lucrative paying job. The joy continued as I began a new venture until IT struck again and that was the start of a downward spiral towards a life of "this happened to me, why"? And have I been on a roll or what! I deleted all those negative entries and have begun the humorous journey of what life is like in a joyless, frustrating, unrewarding and emotional/mental draining job.
Let me introduce myself. I am Slave Girl. If I had muchos money I would say I was a rather attractive woman (given what I have had to endure as a single woman without emotional support, without a second income to make things a tad bit easier for me) and had I not entered menopause during this already harsh and torrid period in my life, I would say I was quite a joy to be around. That, my dear friends, is the sad reality of my current life and it is about to change. Come hell or high water.
Bizarre was the first word which came to my mind when I joined my present company. At first I was Phone Girl and I was bored out of my mind. I tried being proactive. "Proactive", the She-Boss blasted at me as she scowled down at my totally surprised face. "We are never proactive, we are last minute dot com". Now I am Slave Girl. "Oh my dog, why I never gave you more work, I-just-don't-know, because you are SO efficient and you do all my work while I can just sit back and do nothing at all" the She-Boss told me one day as she piled more tasks on my already buckling workload. Slave Girl slaves at her desk every freaking day in a job which she does not enjoy. Slave Girl gets treated like a slave ALL the time. She must have done something abhorrent in one of her past lives to deserve such punishment. But, oh my gosh, have I not already paid my dues by now? Let me introduce you to my fellow characters - She-Boss, He-Boss, Head Girl, Prank Girl and Funny Girl and then there is Claws, the friendly neighbourhood cat. Also playing a huge part in Slave Girls life is McNabs or sometimes referred to as His Lordship, who is a foster cat. Yay, Slave Girl is a foster mom to a cat who has manipulated her round his 4 little paws like you would not believe.
The advantage of working in a dead end job, in a bizarre atmosphere with bizarre management, is that it has given me an arsenal of stories to tell. Living on the African continent also has its humerous moments - I especially love the way the greater majority pronounce English words. The words can be so funny that you want to hit your head against a brick wall and scream "Why, why, why".
So these are my stories.
Let me introduce myself. I am Slave Girl. If I had muchos money I would say I was a rather attractive woman (given what I have had to endure as a single woman without emotional support, without a second income to make things a tad bit easier for me) and had I not entered menopause during this already harsh and torrid period in my life, I would say I was quite a joy to be around. That, my dear friends, is the sad reality of my current life and it is about to change. Come hell or high water.
Bizarre was the first word which came to my mind when I joined my present company. At first I was Phone Girl and I was bored out of my mind. I tried being proactive. "Proactive", the She-Boss blasted at me as she scowled down at my totally surprised face. "We are never proactive, we are last minute dot com". Now I am Slave Girl. "Oh my dog, why I never gave you more work, I-just-don't-know, because you are SO efficient and you do all my work while I can just sit back and do nothing at all" the She-Boss told me one day as she piled more tasks on my already buckling workload. Slave Girl slaves at her desk every freaking day in a job which she does not enjoy. Slave Girl gets treated like a slave ALL the time. She must have done something abhorrent in one of her past lives to deserve such punishment. But, oh my gosh, have I not already paid my dues by now? Let me introduce you to my fellow characters - She-Boss, He-Boss, Head Girl, Prank Girl and Funny Girl and then there is Claws, the friendly neighbourhood cat. Also playing a huge part in Slave Girls life is McNabs or sometimes referred to as His Lordship, who is a foster cat. Yay, Slave Girl is a foster mom to a cat who has manipulated her round his 4 little paws like you would not believe.
The advantage of working in a dead end job, in a bizarre atmosphere with bizarre management, is that it has given me an arsenal of stories to tell. Living on the African continent also has its humerous moments - I especially love the way the greater majority pronounce English words. The words can be so funny that you want to hit your head against a brick wall and scream "Why, why, why".
So these are my stories.
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