Sessions on the Couch

The Next Saga

2010-10-06T12:56:00.003+02:00

Thank you for stopping by my last post. At least that is one blessing - I have not been forgotten completely and it leaves a warm glow in my heart.

I have two weeks left here before having to move out. Have a found a place? Ummmm .... no. Do I have a job. Ummmmm .... no. First time since my early twenties have I found my destitute and at my age, it is a failure in my eyes and very scary. My house has eventually been sold but the process to have the mortgage registered at the Deeds office and the inland revenue to sign off the amount coming to me, is a long one. The Deeds Office also closes for a month from December 15th and if the mortgage is not registered by then, I am in serious trouble. It would be different if I did not have a cat - I could make a plan somehow. Maybe living on the streets would make me more humble ........ LOL. I-don't-think-so!

Everytime I phone the employment agency, it is the same old, same old - don't phone us, we'll call you in whenever something suitable for you comes up. Most of the jobs advertised are window dressing anyway - the posts have already been filled, but it is "courtesy" to advertise them. Sometimes it is not what you know but who you know to get you past that irksome hurdle.

Business is slow but only due to me having to do everything myself. If I had a designer who was working on the cards whilst I did the research and marketing, I would be up and half there already. So it is still baby steps for me - not helping though with the financial side of my life.

I am somewhat depressed about the way things have turned out. I yearn for that bubbling happiness to flow from my heart. I don't have the strength to "manufacture" that happiness. Pretending to be okay is more energy zapping than just being a robot and going through the day on automatic.

Keep those fingers crossed that the mortgage is registered SOON. Blessings and hugs to all of you who have cared enough to stay here in my absence. You are so precious.

Been Such a long time

2010-09-03T22:20:00.003+02:00

I don't think anyone will read this due to my extremely long absence and sporadic return but here goes anyway. I can't believe we are in September already. I've been meaning to email everyone giving you an overview of what has been going on in my life over the last 2 years but the days just fly by without me getting to it. So here goes. 2010 has sucked big time. I really thought this was going to be my year but it hasn't and it has not gotten any better.

1. Was called in end of July and told I was no longer needed in my job and told I was able to leave immediately.

2. I put my house on the market and the buyer is messing me around.

3. I have no job, no home and now have to find alternate accommodation by 1 November without a means to pay a deposit and the first months rent.

4. I got part-time work but they don't want to pay me what I am worth so money will be very scarce next month.

5. My car is giving me endless problems - it is now very old and tired and I think she just wants someone who can afford the upkeep on a "vintage" model.

6. Emotionally I am much better but still have days when I am sick of people always judging me or making some flippant remark instead of being supportive and encouraging.

7. I have started up a bespoke stationery company and need to find an outlet to sell the cards and hopefully get orders for wedding invitations, general invitations etc but I do have interest from various sources and hoping these turn out and that sales and requests pick up quickly.

That is my year in a nutshell. Hope you understand the absence.

Shattered

2010-06-09T07:57:00.005+02:00

It is with an immense sadness that I am posting this. My dear blogger friend Katerina Paulic of Calgary, Alberta passed away earlier this week. She has been fighting cancer for such a long time - bravely, courageously and with every inch of her being. To tell you I am devastated would be an understatement. Kat was such a beautiful person, inside and out, and I will miss her so much. She was my hero - she never let anything get her down to such an extreme that she was not able to get back up again.

May your spirit rest in peace my beautiful friend. I will always hold you closely in my heart and will never forget you kiddo.

News from the South

2010-05-09T11:32:00.003+02:00

I can't believe I am actually posting. I am not sure whether any of you will read this or when you will read it. I am not even sure I will get any response .... but here goes.

2009 was really a bad year for me - the worst I had ever experienced and everything I did or said just went from bad to worse. At the end of the year I was forced to make a decision and in January this year, saw me moving out of my beautiful little cottage with cat in tow and moved in with my brother. It was an incredibly hard adjustments for me and still is. I just could not settle in and as of today, I am still missing my house dreadfully. I am renting it fully furnished to a friend, have visited her twice there but find it rather painful to see all my possessions and not being able to enjoy them. Then my job went from bad to worse even though I worked my fingers to the bone and it was a very successful year fundraising-wise despite the economy. In February we were told the organisation was "yet again" going to be restructured which boiled down to 8 of us being retrenched. Though end of September 2010 was the date we were given as the last day the organisation would run as it currently is, we have since been told we could be asked to leave at almost anytime. Take my job for instance. She-Boss is adamant to prove my job no longer exists but delegating my job functions to volunteers. If I don't find alternative employment (which let me tell you is extremely difficult in these economic times) very soon, I am going to lose everything. I am trying hard to look on the bright side and to remain positive but it has been hard because I am juggling too many balls in the air and when something goes wrong, everything goes wrong. At times I have felt so overwhelmed that I can no nothing but sleep to keep my mind from thinking about it all. At the end of the month I have to move again as the landlord wants his place back and it is the stress of trying to find accommodation where the rent is decent, the place is decent and then the stress of having to settle the cat in. He has JUST gotten used to this place though I can see he is not happy with the environment and misses his freedom at my cottage.

I am not sure whether I will be keeping this blog alive for much longer but that does not mean I am not going to blog again. I have a new blog linked to this email and I don't wish this blog to be found and everyone to read up about my personal life. My new blog is //emmaroseboutique.blogspot.com and you are very welcome to come join me as I begin a new journey of creativity, moonlighting as a stationery boutique owner. You will get a chance to share in my delight when I release a new card or a new series of cards and/or other stationery. You can get to know me better by seeing the beautiful things I "covert" and the beautiful things that inspire me. This is a new venture and has been a long time in the making. I have been designing and printing and designing and printing cards whenever the mojo strikes and when I am not sleeping due to sheer emotional turmoil. Last night I designed my new business cards and today I am going to be writing an introductory letter to drop off at various businesses in the community. Today I am also going to finish my last card designs and get them to the printer as I need samples to show and some cards to sell if someone wants to buy immediately. My first set of cards sold within 5 minutes of showing them to my friends. They are fun, whimsical and funky girly-girl cards which woman are finding fun and unique. I have a set target market and want to concentrate on that market initially before branching out.

My personal blog will be set up once I have opened a new email account as I really don't want people to find me through my business writings. I hope you will join me there.

Winter arrived quicly - gave autumn the boot after only a few days and said "the heck with you, I want to make a icy cold grand entrance so begone with you". I have not even had the chance to take my winter clothes out of the suitcase in storage. So when I go to work, I end up being a Michelin Man with layers and layers of clothing. A great invention is the tumble drier as drying clothes is not a problem when your wardrobe is limited as mine is.

Over and above all the turmoil and overwhelming sense of its-all-just-too-much-for-me, I am well and still striving forward. I can't begin to tell you where I get the strength to carry on but when the moment hits where I feel like throwing in the towel, somehow, I find something to keep me moving. I have learnt so much and grown so much in the last year. It has also been a lonely year in a way as I have really missed the interaction with all my blogger friends. I have missed reading your blogs and missed seeing your comments on my blog. Steve in England wrote me an email 2 weeks ago? I am still trying to find the time to reply. I am restless. I cannot seem to finish anything so I have emails in draft waiting to be completed. Now that I have been honest and committed this in writing, maybe I will get them finished.

Anyhoo my friends, I honestly miss you and hope you are all okay. I sincerely apologise for my absence and for not making an attempt to keep in touch. I hope you understand - it was never you - just me struggling to make it through each day without crashing and burning.

To all the mother's .... Happy Mother's Day. *Mwah*

If you want to know more, email me ..... LOL .... yes I will reply.

Warning

2009-12-20T07:58:00.003+02:00

I cannot believe that it was in August that I last came to my blog. I cannot believe that the year is almost over and I have hardly kept up with my blog friends. To say this has been my worst year ever would be an understatement but I have a very good feeling for 2010.

I will be playing catch up in the next day or two. I posted on Facebook that I am moving and I will explain this and more to those of you who still pop by in the hope I will post something. If you do pop by, can you let me know as I will then know it is time to update and share with you all that has happened to me this year.

I do miss you all dreadfully and I do miss blogging and reading your blogs.

Controlling Issues

2009-08-23T12:16:00.004+02:00

McNabs, my adoptive male cat is THE alpha male in my home. From day one he has made it his mission to change my ways to his ways and he successfully managed this by the end of day one. Three years down the line and he now has me waking up at 5am to play games before I serve him his breakfast on the coffee table in the lounge. Why do I wake up THAT early, I hear you ask? Simply because I get a gentle slap in the face with a paw until I wake up. Or he pulls my hair until I wake up. Slave Girl is thus controlled by She-Boss, He-Boss and McNabs. I see the pattern peeps, I do indeed see the pattern.

He is lying stretched out on my legs - the best place to be when his mommy is at home.

Into the Garden She-Boss Goes

2009-08-20T17:20:00.004+02:00

Slave Girl phones staff at other office .....

SG: Hello I am phoning from the School of the Deaf and wonder if you could do a programme for us
OF: What kind of programme
SG: Sorry, I am phoning from the School of the Deaf. Can you please speak louder.
OF: WHAT KIND OF PROGRAMME
SG: Speak LOUDER.

And then Slave Girl could no longer control herself and burst out in a fit of laughter almost to the point that she could have wet her pants.

Only then did staff member realise it was Slave Girl. I am a woman of many talents.

She-Boss is hurting. No one loves her (everybody hates her, she's going into the garden to eat some worms.... tra la la la la). Okay now, all together..... Shaaaaammme.

Now get back to whatever you were doing!

Mt Capetownias

2009-08-19T18:37:00.004+02:00

Volcanic. Explosive. Mine Fields. The only words coming to Slave Girls mind.

Head Girl had a falling out with She-Boss today. She-Boss had a child in tears today. She-Boss is THE boss. Do or Die is her motto. At this stage no one is sure how much more they are able to handle without the volcano erupting.

Staff are begging My Lord
Kumbaya
Staff are pleading My Lord
Kumbaya
Staff are frustrated My Lord
Kumbaya
Oh Lord Kumbaya

Get a new boss My Lord
Kumbaya
Someone really nice My Lord
Kumbaya
Get a new Board My Lord
Kumbaya
Oh Lord Kumbaya

It just never ends. Oh woe is us.

Slave Girl's Rules for Work

2009-08-16T13:13:00.011+02:00

1. Never be proactive. I just love hearing the words “I want it now”. If it is a particular rush job, hover behind me telling me what to do as I have absolutely NO working experience whatsoever.

2. When you give me multiple tasks to do, please don’t tell me which is priority. I am psychic.

3. If you have multiple tasks for me with special instructions, give them to me verbally. In fact don’t give me the special instructions until the job is complete. There is no use in confusing me with useful information and I love having to do jobs over.

4. Never, never, never give me feedback on a meeting which I should have been invited to in the first place. When people phone the office to enquire about said meeting, I love looking like the office idiot.

5. I love it when I am busy with clients and the phone is ringing off the hook, that you rush into my office and give me instructions on more work that you want me to do for you.

6. In the chain of command I know I am plankton. I adore this job and love being treated as an invaluable staff member with only one brain cell.

7. Never listen to a word I say. Most of it is useless information and I usually only talk to you when I want to confuse you.

8. Never remember anything anyone says to you. It is wonderful when we have to repeat ourselves over and again. Good managers do not have to have good memories.

9. You are always right. We know this is rule #1 and even if we know WE are right, YOU are always right. We love the way you are able to compromise and debate topics and make us feel as if we know NOTHING at all, we appreciate the superior way you see yourself.

10. I love the way you stand next to me when giving me instructions. I love having my space invaded and I especially love it when you go through the papers on my desk and look at what is on my computer and ask me what I am doing. The trust you have in me is so overwhelming it is a wonder you have not been voted Business Woman of the Year.

Take Three

2009-08-11T17:34:00.005+02:00

My first blog was the best, don't you agree? Light, full of humour and quite informative for a girl homegrown on the African continent. Then IT struck. The loss of a very lucrative paying job. The joy continued as I began a new venture until IT struck again and that was the start of a downward spiral towards a life of "this happened to me, why"? And have I been on a roll or what! I deleted all those negative entries and have begun the humorous journey of what life is like in a joyless, frustrating, unrewarding and emotional/mental draining job.

Let me introduce myself. I am Slave Girl. If I had muchos money I would say I was a rather attractive woman (given what I have had to endure as a single woman without emotional support, without a second income to make things a tad bit easier for me) and had I not entered menopause during this already harsh and torrid period in my life, I would say I was quite a joy to be around. That, my dear friends, is the sad reality of my current life and it is about to change. Come hell or high water.

Bizarre was the first word which came to my mind when I joined my present company. At first I was Phone Girl and I was bored out of my mind. I tried being proactive. "Proactive", the She-Boss blasted at me as she scowled down at my totally surprised face. "We are never proactive, we are last minute dot com". Now I am Slave Girl. "Oh my dog, why I never gave you more work, I-just-don't-know, because you are SO efficient and you do all my work while I can just sit back and do nothing at all" the She-Boss told me one day as she piled more tasks on my already buckling workload. Slave Girl slaves at her desk every freaking day in a job which she does not enjoy. Slave Girl gets treated like a slave ALL the time. She must have done something abhorrent in one of her past lives to deserve such punishment. But, oh my gosh, have I not already paid my dues by now? Let me introduce you to my fellow characters - She-Boss, He-Boss, Head Girl, Prank Girl and Funny Girl and then there is Claws, the friendly neighbourhood cat. Also playing a huge part in Slave Girls life is McNabs or sometimes referred to as His Lordship, who is a foster cat. Yay, Slave Girl is a foster mom to a cat who has manipulated her round his 4 little paws like you would not believe.

The advantage of working in a dead end job, in a bizarre atmosphere with bizarre management, is that it has given me an arsenal of stories to tell. Living on the African continent also has its humerous moments - I especially love the way the greater majority pronounce English words. The words can be so funny that you want to hit your head against a brick wall and scream "Why, why, why".

So these are my stories.